“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to heaven, we were all going direct the other way”
Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities.
I have been thinking the first line the most lately. I feel its a good reflection of a journey. We all have things that help us build strength where before we had none. I use a lot to keep my focused on the road ahead and strong for the continued battles that I will fight. But some things strike me more than others. Its like the clouds parting and the sun shinning down sort of moment. And I found it in this paragraph. How it makes me feel is a sort of sadness with a mix of acceptance. My worst of times was at my all time high of 236. My best of times...I’m living it. I have never felt so fulfilled in my life. I have not even reached my goal but I treasure ever second of this journey of mine. I have learned so much. I have changed so much. My entire outlook at life is vastly different than it ever was. Even prior to the weight gain I was never so serine or focused. Its as if I had to hit rock bottom in every aspect in my life before I could open my eyes and see and truly start to live.
Its hard to change. Its scary. But when you have nothing to look forward to and very little in your life that you actually love including yourself. Change is the best thing a person can do. Now I sit here thinking of all the things I never did because I wasn’t living my life. I’m writing again, I smile and laugh, I love more deeply and I cherish the moments. Do I still worry about gaining in the future..hell yes!! Who wouldn’t. But I will use this new found freeness to help me keep my focus. I don’t want my darkness back or my worst of times. Never!
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