When you suffer a loss you always turn to something that you
find comforting. For us Fatties or
former fatties it’s usually food. And
it’s usually because we have a hard time coping with pain. We used food for all sorts of stuff in our
lives and the least of it was for nutritional purposes. I know because I am guilty as charged. I didn’t exercise and used chocolate as
comfort food. Hence the weight I gained
resulting in my blog.
Recently I suffered a loss.
It was hard just so damn hard.
Two weeks ago one of my healthy ferrets got sick. We thought he had the flu so really didn’t
think much of it other than feeding him some extra soups to make him feel
better. But then he started to lose his
beautiful fur and he just kept declining.
We got him to the vet a few days later and the vet couldn’t understand
and prescribed out baby antibiotics and told us to come back in two days if it
didn’t make him feel better.
Two days later we are back at the vet and now we are doing
all sorts of tests. Turns out he has
lymphoma. Sigh. Lymphoma is the cancer that does not
forgive. But we had hope with Chemo or
another med that was discontinued but the vet went in search for us all over
the U.S. We take him back in for his CBC
five days later and wait. We were to go
and do his first round of Chemo the next day when we were called and told he
wouldn’t be a good candidate. Since we
had an apt already we went ahead and took him in just so the vet can check him
out. At this point he had declined
further to the point where he was having bloody stools. Turns out my baby had cancer in every organ
in his body and his bone marrow.
I was in complete shock and asked my husband and the vet if
we should help him pass since he was in obvious distress. The vet still had hope that the pathologist
would come back with something hopeful and my husband clung to that hope. So we
took him home. Mind you this is a total
of two weeks from flu like symptoms to the end.
My baby lasted the weekend. And
finally on Sunday my husband admitted defeat.
It was time to let my bubbie go.
On Monday morning 1/21/13 we made his finale vet appointment at 4 pm he
passed in my arms staring at me.
I am beyond broken hearted.
I was destroyed by this passing.
We had a very special bond Donnie and I.
To the point where I knew…I knew when I was dead to the world asleep
that he needed my help to go potty. And
believe it or not, I woke up every time and helped him. I cried so hard and so much the last few days
that I am surprised I can still manage a few more tears.
But now I find myself in the position of pulling my sorry
butt together for the benefit of my other fuzzies. They are feeling the loss of their
brother. The depression is starting to
kick in with them and I have to be the strong mommy and help them and comfort
them. But who comforts mommy? Food sounds like such a great comfort right
now. Chocolate cake, maybe some homemade
mac and cheese, but now I can say thank god for Medifast. I have my chocolate brownies and my mac n
cheese. But the need to stuff my face is
still there. The need to curl up in a
ball and go to town on a bunch of chocolate is still there. This is where I have to be as strong as my little
boy was. He didn’t let go or give
up. He fought and he tried to hang on. I will learn the lesson taught to me by a 2
pound ferret. I will survive and keep
going. I will make him as proud of me as
I was of him.
I thought this was going to be my year. But here I am reeling from two losses back to
back. I know deep down there is a reason
for it. I know as hard as today is for
me that it will get better tomorrow. I
am strong.
And for those who think the loss of an animal cannot compare
or equal the loss of a human. Just know
that to me animals are children. And get
treated with the same care I would give a child.
Rest in peace my sweet baby!
