I often find my blog inspiration randomly. It starts with a pin prick of a thought and it swirls into a subject I find interesting enough to write down. I often don’t really take into account the subject type since I always write for me but share with others. I share so others know they are not alone. Not alone that they to may have had a crappy child hood. Have trouble with personal issues. Been shot down by others here. I share to let people know that they have a kindred spirit in me. Its also helps me. There are a few things I will probably never share but that’s normal. A girl needs her secrets after all.
I also took my sharing a step further. I share with my FB page. Which is then linked to twitter. Everything I post goes to the mymedifast blogs and Blogger. I have my life on display for everyone who bothered to look. Maybe because of my sharing is caring mentality my few secrets will come out. ;) Maybe I have to be more careful. LOL. Funny thing is now an X from a past life cropped up and has made his presence known (following and reading my blog). Told the hubby just so I could be honest. But he knows this person was a danger to me. In many ways. Not exactly sure how I feel about it. I just know that this person no longer has power over me like they used to. For that a huge sigh of relief Phewww. Its embarrassing now because he didn’t know me fat. So I feel so self aware now of the weight I gained. This is how I can break down my life. Italy = skinny, States = obese. So when I am busting out skinny clothes they are my Italian skinny cloths. LOL. I guess I can take that a step further with Italy = much healthier eating habits and activity. States = burger king and desk jobs.
As a quick update totally off topic from above. I am still showing results from my modified 4 &2. I modified it to add an ounce extra to all protein due to the overly energetic work outs. I am also going to start training. I used to be a runner. I was awesome in my track meets. I miss the joy in it. So I am going to re train myself to be a runner. I hope everyone wishes me luck. I have a buddy who saw my post about it yesterday on twitter who will also start again. Its nice when you can pay it forward ;). The only thing I have to promise myself is. I need to stop if my knees start to hurt. Floating knee caps. Guess I can try taping them up again. But I feel stronger then I used to so trying it out.
HUGS and thanks for reading another big blathering blog
Sunday, May 27, 2012
Thursday, May 24, 2012
Those yonder years
This really doesn’t pertain much to the program. But more on observations on humanity in general. How groups of people can totally beat you down in life. Its a story that had actually happened to me and is amazing the things you learn in life and how they end up affecting you and battling with the low self esteem.
Many of you know I have had a not so wonderful childhood. And it took me straight into adulthood. The things our family and friends say do and say can have lasting affects in our lives. But this was a community. Yup! An entire community of people who I hope and pray are ashamed of what they did to a 14 year old girl.
When I was 14 I was lucky enough to move to Italy with my Dad. I remember going to the pay phone for our Sunday call. I remember crying and telling him I couldn’t live with Mom anymore and told him why. Next thing I know I am at home packing my few belongings and racing off to NH to get my passport and then a few short days later off to Italy.
Moving to Italy was AMAZING. I loved every second of it. The newness of it all. The food, the people, the language just the overall experience. I was humbled by the fact that I was literally walking on history. We lived about 50 miles from the Army base at a small NATO compound in Verona Italy. This was a community of at least 150 Americans strong. We had a gym, a tiny school, a even smaller store and a post office/library. Again kind of cool when your a kid. I got to know most of the people and as per my usual I trusted these people. Everything started slow and spiraled thru the years.
When I first got there I was thrilled that I was able to find a job babysitting. The problem was the person who hired me had three young kids ranging from 4 to 1. All three....HORRIBLE. I never seen three kids who needed a spanking more than these ones did. And EVERYWHERE at once. I was upstairs, downstairs, out in the court yard. What ended up happening was the young one ended up finding the Windex and under the bathroom sink and dumping it out. When I see this I freaked out. I thought she drank some. What the parent never did was give me a phone number to ANYONE. I tried my best to get in touch with someone. I didn’t speak the language and I had no idea how to use the phones there (believe it or not they are different). After two hours of practically pulling my hair out of my head I found someone who then told everyone. Within the hour there were maybe 15 people at the house including my father. I later learned that this mother told everyone that I tried to poison her kids. I was shocked. She didn’t take into account she didn’t lock her household cleaners. She left me with 3 terrors. I was only in the country maybe a week. She left me no phone numbers. And I tried to poison her kids. OK. I cant believe I did this because its just not me. I approached her when she was around her cronies and asked her where she got off spreading rumors about a teenager. Wasn’t she an adult?
I was a target then on out. Everyone talks about kids being bullied in school. What you don’t hear is adults bullying kids. Out of pure boredom. The adults there had not much to do. There wasn’t much work. After awhile you have no where to go. So they hung out and spread rumors. The most hurtful ones about me where the ones where I was pregnant. We were poor. My mom didn’t buy cloths for me. My dad and my stepmother were in debt and didn’t expect the added expense of me. They did the best they could with what we could afford. So most of my clothes were to big. I had to borrow them from my stepmother. I was as skinny as a rail and wore baggy clothes. So that made me pregnant. I don’t know how many times they counted the months and when I never had that baby. It meant that I had an abortion. I must have had at least 4 abortions. And it made me look awesome in the eyes of the parents whose children I wanted to be friends with. I was a whore you couldn’t hang out with me. I don’t know where I found all the time for this when I was up at 0400 in the morning to get ready for school. Walk to the bus stop. Ride a 40 minutes to the train station. Wait an average of an hour before my 1 hour train ride to the town the base was at. Then wait for a but to take me to the base. I always missed the first class because we didn’t get to school until 9 everyday. To then do that in reverse to get home. I got home aprox 7 every day. Then I had homework and had to go to bed early for the next day. How the hell does a kid find time to get pregnant and then get an abortion at least once a year? Do you know how damaging that is to a kid? I know for a fact I do. I have such a low tolerance now for stupidity it hurts. I see stupid I want to hit it. And THAT was stupid.
Something I try to remember. Karma is a bitch. And you reap what you sow
Many of you know I have had a not so wonderful childhood. And it took me straight into adulthood. The things our family and friends say do and say can have lasting affects in our lives. But this was a community. Yup! An entire community of people who I hope and pray are ashamed of what they did to a 14 year old girl.
When I was 14 I was lucky enough to move to Italy with my Dad. I remember going to the pay phone for our Sunday call. I remember crying and telling him I couldn’t live with Mom anymore and told him why. Next thing I know I am at home packing my few belongings and racing off to NH to get my passport and then a few short days later off to Italy.
Moving to Italy was AMAZING. I loved every second of it. The newness of it all. The food, the people, the language just the overall experience. I was humbled by the fact that I was literally walking on history. We lived about 50 miles from the Army base at a small NATO compound in Verona Italy. This was a community of at least 150 Americans strong. We had a gym, a tiny school, a even smaller store and a post office/library. Again kind of cool when your a kid. I got to know most of the people and as per my usual I trusted these people. Everything started slow and spiraled thru the years.
When I first got there I was thrilled that I was able to find a job babysitting. The problem was the person who hired me had three young kids ranging from 4 to 1. All three....HORRIBLE. I never seen three kids who needed a spanking more than these ones did. And EVERYWHERE at once. I was upstairs, downstairs, out in the court yard. What ended up happening was the young one ended up finding the Windex and under the bathroom sink and dumping it out. When I see this I freaked out. I thought she drank some. What the parent never did was give me a phone number to ANYONE. I tried my best to get in touch with someone. I didn’t speak the language and I had no idea how to use the phones there (believe it or not they are different). After two hours of practically pulling my hair out of my head I found someone who then told everyone. Within the hour there were maybe 15 people at the house including my father. I later learned that this mother told everyone that I tried to poison her kids. I was shocked. She didn’t take into account she didn’t lock her household cleaners. She left me with 3 terrors. I was only in the country maybe a week. She left me no phone numbers. And I tried to poison her kids. OK. I cant believe I did this because its just not me. I approached her when she was around her cronies and asked her where she got off spreading rumors about a teenager. Wasn’t she an adult?
I was a target then on out. Everyone talks about kids being bullied in school. What you don’t hear is adults bullying kids. Out of pure boredom. The adults there had not much to do. There wasn’t much work. After awhile you have no where to go. So they hung out and spread rumors. The most hurtful ones about me where the ones where I was pregnant. We were poor. My mom didn’t buy cloths for me. My dad and my stepmother were in debt and didn’t expect the added expense of me. They did the best they could with what we could afford. So most of my clothes were to big. I had to borrow them from my stepmother. I was as skinny as a rail and wore baggy clothes. So that made me pregnant. I don’t know how many times they counted the months and when I never had that baby. It meant that I had an abortion. I must have had at least 4 abortions. And it made me look awesome in the eyes of the parents whose children I wanted to be friends with. I was a whore you couldn’t hang out with me. I don’t know where I found all the time for this when I was up at 0400 in the morning to get ready for school. Walk to the bus stop. Ride a 40 minutes to the train station. Wait an average of an hour before my 1 hour train ride to the town the base was at. Then wait for a but to take me to the base. I always missed the first class because we didn’t get to school until 9 everyday. To then do that in reverse to get home. I got home aprox 7 every day. Then I had homework and had to go to bed early for the next day. How the hell does a kid find time to get pregnant and then get an abortion at least once a year? Do you know how damaging that is to a kid? I know for a fact I do. I have such a low tolerance now for stupidity it hurts. I see stupid I want to hit it. And THAT was stupid.
Something I try to remember. Karma is a bitch. And you reap what you sow
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
Who are you Vs who you want to be.
have gone through some huge changes in my journey. When I was growing up I used to be a submissive person. I got walked all over, and I never said a peep. As I grew older I grew less tolerant. To the point where when I reached my highest point in my weight. I was bitter and angry. I was called a B. I was just plain mean when crossed. These last 50 pounds I have learned a lot about myself. I started looking at people and wanting to be more like them. Not because they were skinny or pretty. But because they were kind and caring and knew how to manage stress in a more productive way.
I came about this website like many have, by accident. And I made the mistake of thinking everyone is kind and caring and really do want to see you make your goal. That everyone here is nice and helpful. I regret that. I have learned otherwise since, to my own dismay. People are hurtful no mater where they are or what they are doing. This solidified my belief that I wanted to be different and change myself.
I still have my moments. I mean honestly who doesn’t. If I see something that someone posted that gets me riled I back up and walk away. I don’t need to be “That” person, nor do I want to be. I will defend myself and my friends when I see someone has been hurt or wronged. But I will not be hurtful to make myself feel more important or powerful. The old me would have joined in on the festivities on being a total biotch. The new me just doesn’t give a damn about the drama (even though it is fun to read sometimes). The new me wants to be better. It would stand to reason with all the changes we each go through that it would be similar for others but not necessarily true. We lose the weight that was killing us. We have to work our brains around new things. New food, new clothes, and for some new friends. If we do that why are some people still the high school bully?
I find it interesting. Once I got away from a very narrow mind set here. I have gained more enrichment and some amazing friends. People want to be near me more because I am kind and caring. Because I truly want to see a person succeed. And not because I yelled at them or tried to publicly shame them into my belief system. Ohhh how the “mighty” will fall when the people finally see through you. So my question is who do you want to be? Who are you now and who are you becoming? I know who I was. I really didn’t like her. The submissive me or the bitchy me can take a hike. I know who I am. I am still growing, still expanding my beliefs and enriching my soul. And I know who I want to be. I want to be an inspiration to others as I have been inspired. I want to be kind and helpful. I want to reach for goals I never thought possible for me and I want to be “that” other person. You know....the nice one.
I came about this website like many have, by accident. And I made the mistake of thinking everyone is kind and caring and really do want to see you make your goal. That everyone here is nice and helpful. I regret that. I have learned otherwise since, to my own dismay. People are hurtful no mater where they are or what they are doing. This solidified my belief that I wanted to be different and change myself.
I still have my moments. I mean honestly who doesn’t. If I see something that someone posted that gets me riled I back up and walk away. I don’t need to be “That” person, nor do I want to be. I will defend myself and my friends when I see someone has been hurt or wronged. But I will not be hurtful to make myself feel more important or powerful. The old me would have joined in on the festivities on being a total biotch. The new me just doesn’t give a damn about the drama (even though it is fun to read sometimes). The new me wants to be better. It would stand to reason with all the changes we each go through that it would be similar for others but not necessarily true. We lose the weight that was killing us. We have to work our brains around new things. New food, new clothes, and for some new friends. If we do that why are some people still the high school bully?
I find it interesting. Once I got away from a very narrow mind set here. I have gained more enrichment and some amazing friends. People want to be near me more because I am kind and caring. Because I truly want to see a person succeed. And not because I yelled at them or tried to publicly shame them into my belief system. Ohhh how the “mighty” will fall when the people finally see through you. So my question is who do you want to be? Who are you now and who are you becoming? I know who I was. I really didn’t like her. The submissive me or the bitchy me can take a hike. I know who I am. I am still growing, still expanding my beliefs and enriching my soul. And I know who I want to be. I want to be an inspiration to others as I have been inspired. I want to be kind and helpful. I want to reach for goals I never thought possible for me and I want to be “that” other person. You know....the nice one.
What is your Peercentage?
Here is the peercentage of what people think of my weight loss. This is just my opinion from what I have seen. We cant deny it. (Please note. I dont care just thought it was interesting. And of course I know I can do this and keep it off)
50 % don’t think I can do it. This is a large group of people I hardly know. They are aware of my journey but have only known me as fat.
25 % think I can do it but will gain it back. This is a group of friends that say they believe in you but deep down they don’t want you to improve yourself so help with self sabotage.
20% think I will make it half way then give up and go back to your old ways. This is the other section of close friends that think since they only went so far and gave up that you will to. You know great minds think alike. Now we can talk about how we CANT lose weight.
5% Who know you will do it. That is that small peercentage that believe you will do it because they know and love you
50 % don’t think I can do it. This is a large group of people I hardly know. They are aware of my journey but have only known me as fat.
25 % think I can do it but will gain it back. This is a group of friends that say they believe in you but deep down they don’t want you to improve yourself so help with self sabotage.
20% think I will make it half way then give up and go back to your old ways. This is the other section of close friends that think since they only went so far and gave up that you will to. You know great minds think alike. Now we can talk about how we CANT lose weight.
5% Who know you will do it. That is that small peercentage that believe you will do it because they know and love you
Lacking in blog ideas
I have been struggling to think of something new to write about. I am lacking in the idea dept. To be honest I am trying to not enflame my haters more. But it seems no matter what I do Hater A-Z are bound and determined to piss me off.
But yesterday I am the proud owner of a certificate of completion for my PALA challenge. I rolled my calories burned into the PALA champion challenge. I am only 20 something thousand calories burned away from a bronze medal. As soon as I get it I will be posting a pic of that puppy.
Now comes the part that will piss off a few people. I need, NEED an hour work out. I am doing it today. One hour of Zumba. I need to feel the burn, I need the stress relief. I need it! After all what’s better? An additional 15 minutes that the OP police will flame me for. Or going off and cheating with a cake. LOL no worries no plans on cheating with a cake. Just making a point.
And if anyone ever asks you what the meaning of life is. I know it. Its 1. Dig deep and it will actually make sense. I am the only 1 that needs to worry about how I lose weight. After all I have said it once and I will keep saying it. It DOES NOT matter how you lose. Just that you lose.
Happy times!
Pause, Reset!
Why oh why did I forget my work out cloths. Sigh. It looks like an old school at home Zumba kind of day for me.
I have the most amazing revelation this morning. Someone posted a tool to see where I should be for the time I want to be there (1 year) and what I need to burn to get there. I am burning 350+ cal more than it says I should so back to the 4&2. I will give it a fair shot. And it also said I should be in the 170s...LOL. Had I stayed in my sloth like ways I might be inching closer that that but I guess I need to do this learning. For some reason It is going to help me in my future. I believe in God put refuse the education of a formed church. I know god put the stumbling blocks in my path like he has done my entire life. I know its to learn and be more enriched by the experience (frustrating as it is). I guess I was more on the side of quitting MF to put my money into something else I am dying to do. School. I’m am going back to school I want to study nutrition. I am going to start with my certificate and work my way up. Then I want to look at holistic nutrition. I am fascinated by it. I also still want to be a trainer so I guess I am working on being more well rounded (mentally not physically). So I guess I should just let what happens happen and stop forcing results. After all I have been out of school for 20+ years. What’s one more?
I have the most amazing revelation this morning. Someone posted a tool to see where I should be for the time I want to be there (1 year) and what I need to burn to get there. I am burning 350+ cal more than it says I should so back to the 4&2. I will give it a fair shot. And it also said I should be in the 170s...LOL. Had I stayed in my sloth like ways I might be inching closer that that but I guess I need to do this learning. For some reason It is going to help me in my future. I believe in God put refuse the education of a formed church. I know god put the stumbling blocks in my path like he has done my entire life. I know its to learn and be more enriched by the experience (frustrating as it is). I guess I was more on the side of quitting MF to put my money into something else I am dying to do. School. I’m am going back to school I want to study nutrition. I am going to start with my certificate and work my way up. Then I want to look at holistic nutrition. I am fascinated by it. I also still want to be a trainer so I guess I am working on being more well rounded (mentally not physically). So I guess I should just let what happens happen and stop forcing results. After all I have been out of school for 20+ years. What’s one more?
Living life out loud.
I know it sounds weird. But I actually do live it out loud. I share with whomever chooses to listen everything about me. I am especially guilty of this on FB. The good thing is, after apologizing a few times for my over sharing on the good the bad and the obscene. All my friends told me I was crazy and they loved to hear what I share.
My bra doesn’t fit. Stupid TOM weight. You name it. Its been said. LOL. I have shared extremely personal things with complete strangers on my blog. I have shared it with the world on my blogger. I live my life out loud. I don’t know why. But I mostly think I share to hold myself accountable. I hate failure. So if I put it out there for the world to see I cant help be accomplish my goals. FB was the first to find out about my weight problem. For years nobody knew what I looked like now because I refused to post a picture of myself. I am still camera shy but not like before. I let people who previously knew me as a skinny girl see me fat. See me for what I did to myself over the years. I am now letting them see me change in amazing ways. They still see my frustrations. Everyone gets to share in that..lol. But I share the changes I made in my life since my family passed. I think the only thing I have not shared with many people was my hardships and family strife growing up. Some know a little others no more. But nobody knows it all except my husband. I don’t like sharing pain. I don’t like sharing in things that were said/done, to make me what I became. Everything else though is fair game.
On the flip side of living my life out loud I have to listen or in some cases read what people say when they disagree with my personal points of view. I guess its all up to interpretation. I had a friend of mine once tell me. I am the type of person who blurts what’s on her mind out to everyone. And either you like me and always will or you don’t like me and never will. I suppose that was a fair enough description of me. Because it has proven to be true. I’m not a bad person just misunderstood. Some people just don’t get candor.
HUGS!
My bra doesn’t fit. Stupid TOM weight. You name it. Its been said. LOL. I have shared extremely personal things with complete strangers on my blog. I have shared it with the world on my blogger. I live my life out loud. I don’t know why. But I mostly think I share to hold myself accountable. I hate failure. So if I put it out there for the world to see I cant help be accomplish my goals. FB was the first to find out about my weight problem. For years nobody knew what I looked like now because I refused to post a picture of myself. I am still camera shy but not like before. I let people who previously knew me as a skinny girl see me fat. See me for what I did to myself over the years. I am now letting them see me change in amazing ways. They still see my frustrations. Everyone gets to share in that..lol. But I share the changes I made in my life since my family passed. I think the only thing I have not shared with many people was my hardships and family strife growing up. Some know a little others no more. But nobody knows it all except my husband. I don’t like sharing pain. I don’t like sharing in things that were said/done, to make me what I became. Everything else though is fair game.
On the flip side of living my life out loud I have to listen or in some cases read what people say when they disagree with my personal points of view. I guess its all up to interpretation. I had a friend of mine once tell me. I am the type of person who blurts what’s on her mind out to everyone. And either you like me and always will or you don’t like me and never will. I suppose that was a fair enough description of me. Because it has proven to be true. I’m not a bad person just misunderstood. Some people just don’t get candor.
HUGS!
Not again!
Yes again! For anyone keeping track and for those who were not. I am still hitting that brick wall. I feel like a pendulum. Every time I hit the wall I get pushed back to WOOSH right into that wall again. This has been the most painful three months of my life. To the point that I am actually contemplating quitting MF. I should already be in the 170’s at the least. That’s if I didn’t choose to start working out. I know, I know, I know. Muscle weighs more than fat. And that everyone loses differently. Been there and said that!
I thought I was in starvation mode due to the amount of cals I burn on my work outs. So I added some extra protein to my leans. That worked well one week. So then I tried the 4&2. That kind of worked. So I went back to the extra protein and now I am hitting that proverbial wall again. AHHHH had I known before what I know now I would never have started to work out. But now its an addiction. I am hooked and cant turn back to my lazy sloth like ways. However if I never started working out I am positive I would be trucking along and almost on my 75 pounds lost. What’s up with this crap? I can work out and still have a low cal low carb diet and LOSE! So why am I spending $300+ a month???? I have decided to go back to school so I can use that money for classes, instead of waiting. GRRRR! My only sentiment. I know I should just cool it and let it happen. I will prob wrap my brain around this later. But the fact remains that I am doubting the program. I am basically maintaining what I have thus far lost. I posted my 50 pound pics but in truth I am 2.5 pounds away from that. I have posted this question to NS prior to my playing with the plan but no response unless I call. Nerve wracking! I am still in ketosis which is a good sign so why no losses?
Looks like I need to post again on NS. Maybe this time I will get some answers
I thought I was in starvation mode due to the amount of cals I burn on my work outs. So I added some extra protein to my leans. That worked well one week. So then I tried the 4&2. That kind of worked. So I went back to the extra protein and now I am hitting that proverbial wall again. AHHHH had I known before what I know now I would never have started to work out. But now its an addiction. I am hooked and cant turn back to my lazy sloth like ways. However if I never started working out I am positive I would be trucking along and almost on my 75 pounds lost. What’s up with this crap? I can work out and still have a low cal low carb diet and LOSE! So why am I spending $300+ a month???? I have decided to go back to school so I can use that money for classes, instead of waiting. GRRRR! My only sentiment. I know I should just cool it and let it happen. I will prob wrap my brain around this later. But the fact remains that I am doubting the program. I am basically maintaining what I have thus far lost. I posted my 50 pound pics but in truth I am 2.5 pounds away from that. I have posted this question to NS prior to my playing with the plan but no response unless I call. Nerve wracking! I am still in ketosis which is a good sign so why no losses?
Looks like I need to post again on NS. Maybe this time I will get some answers
Feeling a bit negative but gunna give this a try.
First and foremost I am just writing this to write it. But If you feel the need to comment I will not make the comments public since my only goal was to send out my thoughts into the cosmos.
I hate to write this because I am crying on the inside. But I need to try something new.
Apparently just the fact that I work out is wrong. (according to some). So since I made a commitment to myself to work out I am not going to stop. However I will modify it to work out every other day as opposed to every day. I will limit my work outs to cardio for fat burn as opposed to strength training for muscle. I will follow the 5&1 instead of adding extra protein. The easy part is for the plan all I have to do is take out the lean which is easy. The rest however is killing me. If a whopping 10-15 min difference fixes my issue then I will freak out. Of course this does not solve the issue because prior to my 1 hour work outs I was doing them for 30 min to the same effect. If it sounds like I have a bit of a negative vibe. Yeah I might. Its been three months after all. OF craziness. Lack of lost pounds and inches. The trying to get some sort of insight from NS and my absent coach. And the somewhat rude comments tossed my way. Its just gotten old but I have to give it a try.
I hate to write this because I am crying on the inside. But I need to try something new.
Apparently just the fact that I work out is wrong. (according to some). So since I made a commitment to myself to work out I am not going to stop. However I will modify it to work out every other day as opposed to every day. I will limit my work outs to cardio for fat burn as opposed to strength training for muscle. I will follow the 5&1 instead of adding extra protein. The easy part is for the plan all I have to do is take out the lean which is easy. The rest however is killing me. If a whopping 10-15 min difference fixes my issue then I will freak out. Of course this does not solve the issue because prior to my 1 hour work outs I was doing them for 30 min to the same effect. If it sounds like I have a bit of a negative vibe. Yeah I might. Its been three months after all. OF craziness. Lack of lost pounds and inches. The trying to get some sort of insight from NS and my absent coach. And the somewhat rude comments tossed my way. Its just gotten old but I have to give it a try.
Saturday, May 12, 2012
Food obsession.
I have noticed a huge influx of questions about food. Not only to NS, but in general. Some of the foods made me scratch my head. Really? I know its hard to eat out of packets for however long it takes to get to goal. But why do we obsess about the foods that are kinda obvious not on plan. I learned quick to leave my old eating habits behind. I mean it obviously didn’t help me which is why I am here doing the program.
The funny thing is now I am obsessing over foods I can have later. Apples, grapes, oranges, Brussels sprouts. OMG my belly is getting mad at me know! I have thought a lot since I started the program. I am thrilled to no longer crave pizzas and burgers. But I am so sad that I cant have some of the healthy foods. I know there is a reason. Starches breaking down to sugars breaking down more into carbs. Is there ever a time we get past this? I know life will never be the same again but its just not healthy to be so obsessed about food.
Sit there and think about it. We have to worry all day every day about what we eat. We have to time our meals so we are constantly thinking about our next meal. I am sitting here now thinking about mixing my shake up for my late morning snack. Been thinking about it for an hour. Just keep looking at the clock so I don’t miss my meal time.
OBSESSED!
The funny thing is now I am obsessing over foods I can have later. Apples, grapes, oranges, Brussels sprouts. OMG my belly is getting mad at me know! I have thought a lot since I started the program. I am thrilled to no longer crave pizzas and burgers. But I am so sad that I cant have some of the healthy foods. I know there is a reason. Starches breaking down to sugars breaking down more into carbs. Is there ever a time we get past this? I know life will never be the same again but its just not healthy to be so obsessed about food.
Sit there and think about it. We have to worry all day every day about what we eat. We have to time our meals so we are constantly thinking about our next meal. I am sitting here now thinking about mixing my shake up for my late morning snack. Been thinking about it for an hour. Just keep looking at the clock so I don’t miss my meal time.
OBSESSED!
Stink eye
I officially gave everyone the stink eye yesterday. Not that it was my intention. Kind of hard to avoid it when your eye is swollen half shut. I calling in yesterday and used one of my rarely needed sick days. I woke up to one hell of a face yesterday. Before I looked in the mirror I kept thinking wow I must really be tired I can open my eye. LOL. No wonder! I looked like a monster. I called my DR and they didn’t have an open time yesterday to see me so suggested the clinic (which I had to wait for 5pm to go) or to try and ice it down and they would take me today if it was still bad. I used this smelly stuff Draw Out in desperation to pull out what ever was in the bump near my eye that caused the swelling. Not the smartest thing someone can do without a doctor telling you but like I said I was desperate. Took the entire day to bring the swelling down. Most of it is gone still just a bit inflamed today. Every time I changed my Band-Aid yesterday it was full of yuckies.
On the down side of all this I had to cancel my therapy and didn’t work out. On the upside I got a day off and caught up on my much needed sleep. Enjoyed a hot chocolate with my coffee and did some light reading. Swarmed FB with silly crap and eye updates. And watched some shows I had DVR’d. Was nice to just do nothing for once. I have been so uber caught up in this journey I haven’t really stopped and smelled the proverbial roses in awhile. Justwork, then work out, and then I get to go home and housework. Its starting to wear me out.
But guess what I get to do today...I get to do all of the above. Today is strength training day. WOOT!
Blisters
LOL. I walked a 5K on the treadmill last night at the Y. Marching along singing to my tunes. Oblivious to the world. Was kind of funny however when I walked in last night. Was only my second day there and they already know my name. I had to look at the door and make sure I wasn’t at Cheers.
Today blisters and all I am doing a 30 min cardio and my 30 min strength training. My official first day of it even though I have been doing some at home. This is what is on my list. It boggles my mind how it will take only 20 min by their estimation. But its as follows:
Seated Chest Press between 14 and 20 reps at 10 pounds (doable)
Seated Row at 25lb until I cant do anymore (? Oookkaayyy)
Seated Shoulder Press at 20lbs until I cant do anymore (ouch that like 4..lol)
Seated Arm Curl at 15lbs between 14-20 reps
Seated Triceps Extension at 15lbs 14-20 reps
Seated leg press at 20lbs 14-20 reps
Seated leg curl at 15 pounds 14-20 reps
Seated calf raise at 5 pounds 14-20 reps
Then comes the Abs:
Ball crunch (I will do this at home) 12-15 reps
Reverse crunch 12-15 reps (home)
Side oblique crunch with legs elevated 10-12 reps(home)
Crunch legs elevated 10-12 reps(home)
I am going to be jello tomorrow. Good thing this is only twice a week. Phew!!
Today blisters and all I am doing a 30 min cardio and my 30 min strength training. My official first day of it even though I have been doing some at home. This is what is on my list. It boggles my mind how it will take only 20 min by their estimation. But its as follows:
Seated Chest Press between 14 and 20 reps at 10 pounds (doable)
Seated Row at 25lb until I cant do anymore (? Oookkaayyy)
Seated Shoulder Press at 20lbs until I cant do anymore (ouch that like 4..lol)
Seated Arm Curl at 15lbs between 14-20 reps
Seated Triceps Extension at 15lbs 14-20 reps
Seated leg press at 20lbs 14-20 reps
Seated leg curl at 15 pounds 14-20 reps
Seated calf raise at 5 pounds 14-20 reps
Then comes the Abs:
Ball crunch (I will do this at home) 12-15 reps
Reverse crunch 12-15 reps (home)
Side oblique crunch with legs elevated 10-12 reps(home)
Crunch legs elevated 10-12 reps(home)
I am going to be jello tomorrow. Good thing this is only twice a week. Phew!!
Is fear a good motivator?
I woke the other morning after having what any MF’er would deem a nightmare. I dreamt that I gained and now weighed 210 again. That’s over a 20 pound gain! Needless to say I did what any of us would do. I got undressed and stepped on the scale to make sure it didn’t happen. This dream came on top of the doom and gloom blogs I happened upon before bed. So I feel relieved now that I do not belong to the doomsayers squad because if it affected me like that I can only imagine the damage it would put on my psyche. I already have issues I don’t need someone else’s projected onto me and cause more harm..lol. There certainly isn’t room for it in my life. How beaten down a person must feel to be told that they are forever tied to one set of rules and woe should they stray just a tiny bit. And it must be exhausting spreading seeds of doubt and mistrust in yourself. There are a lot of people in the world who haven’t been effected by the doomsayers. And yet they managed to lose their weight. Imagine that. See it can be done! I would like to call their success “restraint” and “determination”. I don’t want to be on “training wheels” the rest of my life tied down to what some people say. How is that a life worth living?
Getting into the groove.
LMAO. I bet I got all us old folk singing that song now. And now that I think about it I should add that to my iPod.
I had a fantastic weekend. Apart from balling my eyes out with the motivational link I shared with everyone on every website I frequent.
I spent the day with one of my heroes. I helped her rescue a ferret in need. So I went to visit him finally on Saturday. He had just had some major surgery done on his mouth. I think who ever abandoned him didn’t want to pay for the vet bill because he had a nice sized tumor in his mouth the poor lil boy. So four days after his surgery he is already chewing on shoes. Always a good sign of a frisky ferret. He has the cutest face ever too.
Because of Saturday. I skipped the gym that day and wend instead on Sunday. I went alone (I hate doing anything by myself) I survived and did an hour work out. I really need to work on my strength at least 2 times a week. I kid you not that I am weak as heck in my upper body. But boy can I kick out a cardio work out like there was no tomorrow.
Hope everyone keeps on movin and groovin.
HUGS
Sunday, May 6, 2012
Disclaimer: Personal opinions can be found below
The following blog is not meant to offend or cause any hurt. This is just my opinion and really means nothing in the grand scheme of things. And does reflect on anyone in particular.
I noticed not only on my MF website but on other websites I am a member of (Spark people, FB among the few). As well as people I know, friends, family and strangers. Always screaming “My way is the only way”. When it comes to weight loss. Not ignoring the fact that even some weight loss DVD’s that I have bought claim to be better then the rest. All this is in someway just another way to make money. Weight loss now being the leading money maker. So for the family, friends and people that I hardly know who scream my way works best. My thoughts are “but I’m not you” Where your way may work best for you and for others and probably even me. Why do I want to hear you yelling me, me, me? When there was others before who paved the way, so its not “Your way” its just “A way”. It also begs to be asked. So is my weight loss about you? Or about me? Is my journey to become physically more healthy to make your profit margin soar? I see people standing on their righteous pulpits thumping their proven theory’s that are being twisted to fit their needs and beliefs. I have started to think of these people as reformed smokers. These people give obnoxious a new meaning. I have quit smoking now for three years. But that doesn’t stop me from hanging out with people who smoke. Just because I am standing next to a smoker doesn’t mean I will go up in a ball of flames if I don’t have one now! Everyone was given free will. I choose to use my free will and not tell everyone my way is the only way. I choose to have people to see that there are OTHER ways and not just one that works.
As a young girl I once posed a question to a bible thumper in my church about something that really bothered me that was said in church. “Are my parents going to hell because they are divorced? Does that mean, now that my parents are remarried to different people they are adulterers?” The answer was yes and yes. I was shocked and approached my father in tears and told him that he was going to go to hell. This is when my dad and step mother bought me my Bible. I read it from one cover to the next. The one thing that stuck me was where god was vengeful in the old testament he was loving in the new. And Jesus had washed away all our sins. Therefore my parents were not sinners they just found a different way to be happy. I was good with that.
I refuse to be a meek sheep just following the flock because someone keeps preaching that their way is the only way. It just so happens that a few cults have been killed that way. I prefer choosing the path that is less trodden the one of strength and perseverance, Because that too is “A Way”.
I noticed not only on my MF website but on other websites I am a member of (Spark people, FB among the few). As well as people I know, friends, family and strangers. Always screaming “My way is the only way”. When it comes to weight loss. Not ignoring the fact that even some weight loss DVD’s that I have bought claim to be better then the rest. All this is in someway just another way to make money. Weight loss now being the leading money maker. So for the family, friends and people that I hardly know who scream my way works best. My thoughts are “but I’m not you” Where your way may work best for you and for others and probably even me. Why do I want to hear you yelling me, me, me? When there was others before who paved the way, so its not “Your way” its just “A way”. It also begs to be asked. So is my weight loss about you? Or about me? Is my journey to become physically more healthy to make your profit margin soar? I see people standing on their righteous pulpits thumping their proven theory’s that are being twisted to fit their needs and beliefs. I have started to think of these people as reformed smokers. These people give obnoxious a new meaning. I have quit smoking now for three years. But that doesn’t stop me from hanging out with people who smoke. Just because I am standing next to a smoker doesn’t mean I will go up in a ball of flames if I don’t have one now! Everyone was given free will. I choose to use my free will and not tell everyone my way is the only way. I choose to have people to see that there are OTHER ways and not just one that works.
As a young girl I once posed a question to a bible thumper in my church about something that really bothered me that was said in church. “Are my parents going to hell because they are divorced? Does that mean, now that my parents are remarried to different people they are adulterers?” The answer was yes and yes. I was shocked and approached my father in tears and told him that he was going to go to hell. This is when my dad and step mother bought me my Bible. I read it from one cover to the next. The one thing that stuck me was where god was vengeful in the old testament he was loving in the new. And Jesus had washed away all our sins. Therefore my parents were not sinners they just found a different way to be happy. I was good with that.
I refuse to be a meek sheep just following the flock because someone keeps preaching that their way is the only way. It just so happens that a few cults have been killed that way. I prefer choosing the path that is less trodden the one of strength and perseverance, Because that too is “A Way”.
Starting something new.
To date I have been giving myself physical challenges. I need to challenge myself a bit more mentally. Not with puzzles or anything but with personal demons and insecurities. I touched on it last night. I am too damn touchy and emotional at times lately. Not sure if its all the other changes going on making me mental or what. But it is defiantly something that needs to taken care of. My challenge to myself is to read. If it touches a nerve, evaluate what I read. Think about it for 15 minutes and then so how it effects me. Like thinking before you speak. I will think after I read. With my new personal goal out there forever and for everyone to see. I would like to tell a funny story that happened the other night.
A few months back I wrote one of my blogs about the dreaded Medifart. So with that in mind you may need to scroll back to read it. “The Good, the Bad, The Medifart.”
Sooo the other night we had to feed the five ferrets some petroleum jelly (it is a natural lubricant and non toxic, and the ferrets this it tastes awesome). To help alleviate problems with fur balls since they are losing their winter coats. So all five get a spoon full and they walk off all happy they got a “treat”. Few hours later all five camped out next to my bed under my bedside table. All the sudden.....HOLY crap that was the most noxious smell ever. Its like I lived in a sewer the smell was so bad. My husband turned and looked at me and with the most serious voice he could muster he said. “Pay backs a bi***! After making me suffer from your Medifast farts you earned this one.” LMAO
Little did he know he had to clean up the poops the Jelly caused...that joke was on him!
Hugs!
I suffer from RTS
So everyone knows about my RTS (random thought syndrome). Millions of people suffer from this malady. The only known cures are to keep it to yourself or express yourself via social media or a blog. I do all three often.
Today’s random thought was:
“Wow look at that reflection.” I am finally starting to see the old me in the mirror. That girl a few short months ago...I have no clue who she was. She was a complete stranger. And worse than that I didn’t like her. I wanted to cover those mirrors because I was ugly. Never took pictures because it wasn’t the real me. Never smiled when I did because I wasn’t going to like what I was going to see.
The sad thing is (watch out a TMI moment is coming on) My tata’s look like they belong to an old lady. They are all shriveled and saggy...sigh. I knew it was going to happen since I was always a 34b-c before the weight gain. My poor hubby has yet to comment I think mostly because he knew I enjoyed having them myself. My bra is gaping. Huge space between the cup and skin..sigh. I don’t want to buy new anything yet. I don’t want to spend money on something I will have to replace soon again anyway. Call me cheep but its just throwing my money away.
I found something on line the other day called hot pants. Its supposed to increase weight loss and inches lost just with heat of your body. Its kind of the same concept of a thermos. You can only wear it for 30 min a day but the reviews looked really good. And they studied it at Cambridge University. I have eyeballed it a few times and might get a pair after I sell my grandmothers house. Be interested in seeing the difference.
And one of these days I need to take a pic of the sweat that POURS off of me when I work out. There is nothing hawt about it. I sweat like a pig. I will leave the glistening to the famous people. I was very proud of myself last night because this girl has some moves. I mastered 5 out of 11 of my Zumba dances on kinect. One of which was “La Perla” I swear that dance was the hardest to learn. Its got 20s style big band music mashed in with Latin. The dance moves were the same. And wow the step changes were hard hard hard to complete and learn. Now my calves are kinda sore and my butt. However at least I am good at grinding..lol. I may have a future as a stripper
Today’s random thought was:
“Wow look at that reflection.” I am finally starting to see the old me in the mirror. That girl a few short months ago...I have no clue who she was. She was a complete stranger. And worse than that I didn’t like her. I wanted to cover those mirrors because I was ugly. Never took pictures because it wasn’t the real me. Never smiled when I did because I wasn’t going to like what I was going to see.
The sad thing is (watch out a TMI moment is coming on) My tata’s look like they belong to an old lady. They are all shriveled and saggy...sigh. I knew it was going to happen since I was always a 34b-c before the weight gain. My poor hubby has yet to comment I think mostly because he knew I enjoyed having them myself. My bra is gaping. Huge space between the cup and skin..sigh. I don’t want to buy new anything yet. I don’t want to spend money on something I will have to replace soon again anyway. Call me cheep but its just throwing my money away.
I found something on line the other day called hot pants. Its supposed to increase weight loss and inches lost just with heat of your body. Its kind of the same concept of a thermos. You can only wear it for 30 min a day but the reviews looked really good. And they studied it at Cambridge University. I have eyeballed it a few times and might get a pair after I sell my grandmothers house. Be interested in seeing the difference.
And one of these days I need to take a pic of the sweat that POURS off of me when I work out. There is nothing hawt about it. I sweat like a pig. I will leave the glistening to the famous people. I was very proud of myself last night because this girl has some moves. I mastered 5 out of 11 of my Zumba dances on kinect. One of which was “La Perla” I swear that dance was the hardest to learn. Its got 20s style big band music mashed in with Latin. The dance moves were the same. And wow the step changes were hard hard hard to complete and learn. Now my calves are kinda sore and my butt. However at least I am good at grinding..lol. I may have a future as a stripper
Marvin
Hi I am starving Marvin. And I need to chew my arm off. I am trying to sip my chai and its to damn hot. I switched my order around last night so next week when my food comes in I should have the 70 shakes. I def need the extra protein.
I was all set to go to the Y for the first time today. Bag is packed and in my car but I forgot a few fundamentals that I need to buy....A LOCK! I forgot a lock. I will not leave my purse in my car. That’s basically an invite to anyone watching to break into my car. And while I am out I wanted to buy dish towels to bring to the gym..less bulky then a normal towel. AND a cooling cloth. You get that puppy damp and it is like an ice pack for hours. Perfect for working out and also wanted to get a few for my ferrets for the hot months.
So I guess after I shop I have to do my last work out at home. Maybe I should stop and buy work pants that actually fit too. I am tired of wearing these pants that I can pull down without unzipping them. I am walking on thin ice and I know one of these days I will be left standing there in my underwear.
Hugs!
I was all set to go to the Y for the first time today. Bag is packed and in my car but I forgot a few fundamentals that I need to buy....A LOCK! I forgot a lock. I will not leave my purse in my car. That’s basically an invite to anyone watching to break into my car. And while I am out I wanted to buy dish towels to bring to the gym..less bulky then a normal towel. AND a cooling cloth. You get that puppy damp and it is like an ice pack for hours. Perfect for working out and also wanted to get a few for my ferrets for the hot months.
So I guess after I shop I have to do my last work out at home. Maybe I should stop and buy work pants that actually fit too. I am tired of wearing these pants that I can pull down without unzipping them. I am walking on thin ice and I know one of these days I will be left standing there in my underwear.
Hugs!
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