Who are you Vs who you want to be.

 have gone through some huge changes in my journey.  When I was growing up I used to be a submissive person. I got walked all over, and I never said a peep.  As I grew older I grew less tolerant.  To the point where when I reached my highest point in my weight.  I was bitter and angry.  I was called a B.  I was just plain mean when crossed.  These last 50 pounds I have learned a lot about myself.  I started looking at people and wanting to be more like them.  Not because they were skinny or  pretty.  But because they were kind and caring and knew how to manage stress in a more productive way.

I came about this website like many have, by accident.  And I made the mistake of thinking everyone is kind and caring and really do want to see you make your goal.  That everyone here is nice and helpful.  I regret that.  I have learned otherwise since, to my own dismay.  People are hurtful no mater where they are or what they are doing.  This solidified my belief that I wanted to be different and change myself.

I still have my moments.  I mean honestly who doesn’t.  If I see something that someone posted that gets me riled I back up and walk away.  I don’t need to be “That” person, nor do I want to be.  I will defend myself and my friends when I see someone has been hurt or wronged.  But I will not be hurtful to make myself feel more important or powerful.  The old me would have joined in on the festivities on being a total biotch.  The new me just doesn’t give a damn about the drama (even though it is fun to read sometimes).  The new me wants to be better.  It would stand to reason with all the changes we each go through that it would be similar for others but not necessarily true.  We lose the weight that was killing us.  We have to work our brains around new things.  New food, new clothes, and for some new friends.  If we do that why are some people still the high school bully?

I find it interesting.  Once I got away from a very narrow mind set here.  I have gained more enrichment and some amazing friends.  People want to be near me more because I am kind and caring.  Because I truly want to see a person succeed.  And not because I yelled at them or tried to publicly shame them into my belief system.  Ohhh how the “mighty” will fall when the people finally see through you.  So my question is who do you want to be?  Who are you now and who are you becoming?  I know who I was.  I really didn’t like her.  The submissive me or the bitchy me can take a hike.  I know who I am.  I am still growing, still expanding my beliefs and enriching my soul.  And I know who I want to be.  I want to be an inspiration to others as I have been inspired.  I want to be kind and helpful.  I want to reach for goals I never thought possible for me and I want to be “that” other person.  You know....the nice one.