This really doesn’t pertain much to the program. But more on observations on humanity in general. How groups of people can totally beat you down in life. Its a story that had actually happened to me and is amazing the things you learn in life and how they end up affecting you and battling with the low self esteem.
Many of you know I have had a not so wonderful childhood. And it took me straight into adulthood. The things our family and friends say do and say can have lasting affects in our lives. But this was a community. Yup! An entire community of people who I hope and pray are ashamed of what they did to a 14 year old girl.
When I was 14 I was lucky enough to move to Italy with my Dad. I remember going to the pay phone for our Sunday call. I remember crying and telling him I couldn’t live with Mom anymore and told him why. Next thing I know I am at home packing my few belongings and racing off to NH to get my passport and then a few short days later off to Italy.
Moving to Italy was AMAZING. I loved every second of it. The newness of it all. The food, the people, the language just the overall experience. I was humbled by the fact that I was literally walking on history. We lived about 50 miles from the Army base at a small NATO compound in Verona Italy. This was a community of at least 150 Americans strong. We had a gym, a tiny school, a even smaller store and a post office/library. Again kind of cool when your a kid. I got to know most of the people and as per my usual I trusted these people. Everything started slow and spiraled thru the years.
When I first got there I was thrilled that I was able to find a job babysitting. The problem was the person who hired me had three young kids ranging from 4 to 1. All three....HORRIBLE. I never seen three kids who needed a spanking more than these ones did. And EVERYWHERE at once. I was upstairs, downstairs, out in the court yard. What ended up happening was the young one ended up finding the Windex and under the bathroom sink and dumping it out. When I see this I freaked out. I thought she drank some. What the parent never did was give me a phone number to ANYONE. I tried my best to get in touch with someone. I didn’t speak the language and I had no idea how to use the phones there (believe it or not they are different). After two hours of practically pulling my hair out of my head I found someone who then told everyone. Within the hour there were maybe 15 people at the house including my father. I later learned that this mother told everyone that I tried to poison her kids. I was shocked. She didn’t take into account she didn’t lock her household cleaners. She left me with 3 terrors. I was only in the country maybe a week. She left me no phone numbers. And I tried to poison her kids. OK. I cant believe I did this because its just not me. I approached her when she was around her cronies and asked her where she got off spreading rumors about a teenager. Wasn’t she an adult?
I was a target then on out. Everyone talks about kids being bullied in school. What you don’t hear is adults bullying kids. Out of pure boredom. The adults there had not much to do. There wasn’t much work. After awhile you have no where to go. So they hung out and spread rumors. The most hurtful ones about me where the ones where I was pregnant. We were poor. My mom didn’t buy cloths for me. My dad and my stepmother were in debt and didn’t expect the added expense of me. They did the best they could with what we could afford. So most of my clothes were to big. I had to borrow them from my stepmother. I was as skinny as a rail and wore baggy clothes. So that made me pregnant. I don’t know how many times they counted the months and when I never had that baby. It meant that I had an abortion. I must have had at least 4 abortions. And it made me look awesome in the eyes of the parents whose children I wanted to be friends with. I was a whore you couldn’t hang out with me. I don’t know where I found all the time for this when I was up at 0400 in the morning to get ready for school. Walk to the bus stop. Ride a 40 minutes to the train station. Wait an average of an hour before my 1 hour train ride to the town the base was at. Then wait for a but to take me to the base. I always missed the first class because we didn’t get to school until 9 everyday. To then do that in reverse to get home. I got home aprox 7 every day. Then I had homework and had to go to bed early for the next day. How the hell does a kid find time to get pregnant and then get an abortion at least once a year? Do you know how damaging that is to a kid? I know for a fact I do. I have such a low tolerance now for stupidity it hurts. I see stupid I want to hit it. And THAT was stupid.
Something I try to remember. Karma is a bitch. And you reap what you sow
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