I’m not worthy.

You know the old SNL skit of Wayne’s World.  I keep thinking of it.  It just sounds like my old mantra.  I’m not worthy to lose weight.  I’m not worthy of a fulfilling life.  I’m not worthy.  Of course I am not doing pelvic thrusts as I think it..lol though if I did I may not have to work out so hard. 

I am sure we have all had our not worthy moments in our lives.  Otherwise I don’t think we would be here now.   I am almost 8 months into this and have learned so much.  Not just about how to be healthy and stay that way.  But about me.  I think that is fundamental in all great changes.  The change within that is the most important and lasting.  Every time I work out.  I scream like my legs are screaming.  “I am worthy”.  Its the only thing that will keep me going.  I am no longer depressed like I was.  I still have PTSD but I am not depressed anymore.  I have never felt so emotionally as well as physically fit in my life.

I am positive my therapist is waiting for me to tell her she is no longer needed.  Though I can hardly see my self giving up my emotional outlet.  Its so important in this journey I am on.  It helps me release and evaluate.  She asks the right questions and I have to respect myself by answering honestly.

Some of us focus and put to much effort in thinking what we want but cant have,  That we need to start evaluating these thoughts and inserting “I am worthy”.  Keep us on the straight and narrow.  Its just so easy to say I was stressed there for I ate.  When actually we are saying “I’m not worthy, I am going to eat”.  Life gets in the way every day.  We cant keep using the excuses we did to gain weight.  After all do we really want to do this again?  So tell yourself your worthy.  Mental hugs wont kill anyone.  And “I AM WORTHY”