Inner Goddess.

I was reading a book this weekend...actually a few books.  And I was on my deck.  In my short shorts and tank...that I ended up making into a tube top.  And just enjoyed the sun sucking up as much as I could.   I was letting my inner Goddess out for some much needed fresh air.  I have avoided the sun with the excuse of it bad for the skin.  But in truth it was because I was not COMFORTABLE in my skin.  I used to worship the sun with my SPF 30 and still have a lovely tan by the end of a month to last me thru most of the rest of the year. 

As I was sitting there on my deck relaxing I was telling my husband that I will never be that lovely shade again.  Its been so long since I let my inner Goddess out to play that she is afraid to suck in some of that healthy looking color.  I am literally so white that I am sort of translucent.  You can see my blue veins.  As I rub on my mandatory SPF 50 I keep thinking...This is useless.  I’m still going to burn.  But I didn’t.  I am proud to say I am less translucent but still white..lol.  I would use less protection but I know better.  Yes sun is bad..But it is also good for you.  So this will probably take me the entire summer to get the tan that only took me a few weekends prior to the weight gain.

My inner Goddess also went to a meeting for the shelter I volunteer for.  Where she met up with a friend who looks AMAZING.  She went from a size 12 to a 2 and I was Wowed.   We were supposed to take pics of us being silly but we got caught up in the meeting.  But we have another in August so I am hoping I will have lost my 75 and on to my last 31.  I was also a bit envious.  She kept tempting me with real food saying it would “shock” my system and help me lose.  But I have had slow losses and LOTS of stalls and I am OP.  So  I refused and did my thing as I always do.  But that lil green Goddess was all sorts of upset because she couldn’t eat her pizza and wasn’t in and out of transition already like her.  Its silly.  My Goddess and I have agreed that we will keep on putt putting along until the end without doing anything drastic.  But boy its another thing when the thing you want most is right in front of you in a super sexy top and jean shorts.  The other thing that made my Goddess a bit green was the fact that I lost almost 60 pounds (20 pounds more than her) But not one person seemed to notice.  All they saw was her.  I know petty as it is.  I am proud of her.  I am thrilled she lost what she did.  But still I felt like chopped liver when the caviar was there.

I think its funny how we are outwardly one way but deep inside that uppity Goddess is really not happy when the attention is not towards her..lol.  I chalk it up to my usual insecurities.  One day my Goddess will realize that she too is caviar!!

Hugs!