Vacation

From reading message boards and blogs I see that this is a very pivotal time for the MFer.  I am about to have a fantastically active vacation with friends I have not seen in years.  I am switching over to the 4 & 2 for a few days while they are here because I will be walking all day the whole time they are here.  I am really looking forward to this.  I have been exercising everyday and loving it.  But my fear is in the temptation to cheat.  I have seen people go so far off the reservation they were on an entirely different planet and sort of quit MF.  I don’t want that.   I am peeing my pants in fear of it.  I am very true to the program.  I stuck with it thru the holidays.  I stuck with it on the very slow weeks and I stuck with it when I was on my three week plateau.  But this is freaking me out man!  I think its the fear of the unknown.  I kept that fear throughout the holidays and it served me well.  I lost weight the entire two months.  I will use the fear to keep me in check!

Speaking of fear.  I had it on Sunday at an event I went to for a group I volunteer for.  I was watching my fellow MFers cheating like it was going out of style.  I don’t worry overly about them because every week they are blessed with aswome weight loss numbers.  But NOT ME!  Nope I look at the damn food and I gain an ounce for every second my eyes linger overly long.  I am no longer a follower.  I am now a leader.  I lead by facing my fear head on.  I lead by following the program as it is to be followed.  I lead to lead.  I refuse to let myself be conquered and dominated by food.  I lived that life way to long and suffered for it.

I currently got some good news also.  I may be selling my grandmothers house.  I am super pleased by this because I finally can move on with my life and stop dwelling on the past.  Maybe I can finally stop seen a therapist.  Would be nice.  I have been actively trying to get my Mother, Grandmother and brother out of my life.  The problem with that is two are ghosts that haunt me and the other consistently pokes me when I am down.  When the papers are signed I have every intention of telling my brother to kiss my skinny butt.  He is no longer wanted in my life until he realizes the wrongs done to me by all of them.  He never will so this is forever.  Thank god my husband agrees with me.  He has seen what hell they put me thru.  Both when all three were alive and after they passed.  And my brother is just perpetuating the abuse.

Looking forward to the future.