A blessing in a fat suit

When I gained the weight I became complacent in my life.  I wore the same things over and over again.  Three pairs of pants and six shirts.  That was my wardrobe for about six years.  My shirts were all the same but of different colors.  And my pants WERE the same, they were elastic since dress pants my size no longer had buttons.  I couldn’t wear heals or actually anything more than a low heal/flat.  Because I would fall or couldn’t walk because my back would hurt due to all the weight adding so much stress to my arches.   I bought what I felt comfortable in being 236 and size 20. 

Growing up however that was not me.  I had wicked cute clothes.  Wore heals.  Put on makeup.  I was a girly girl with a tomboy accessory package.  I could dress up or dress down and still look cute.  I had my own style because I didn’t want to conform to the masses.  But that had all changed over the years after moving back from Italy.

Coming home after 12 years was scary.  I was used to a different way of life.  I was used to a different way to eat especially.  I think in all my time there I had fast food maybe a half dozen times.  I don’t even remember buying a lot of processed foods.  I didn’t buy anything canned or frozen.  I ate fresh and I ate clean.  Coming home was a complete nightmare.  All the bad things were in my face in a huge way.  So many things I had never tired.  So many places I never even heard of to eat at.  And it was impossible to say no to.  Not only that I was 20 times more active.  I worked 7 days a week from March to October about 12 hours a day.  I had no days off.  No holidays.  This was my 6-7 months of work that earned me a year’s salary. 

Not working as much and eating more, slowly started the gain for me.  I think I gained 20 pounds the first year home. I slowed down the gain after that but only for a year.  When I met my now husband that’s when it started to unravel for me.  The willpower to just lose was gone.  It was almost like slashing a tire full of air you could almost audibly hear the “Whoosh”.

Here I am almost 13 years after moving back home.  13 years after losing my way.  I am finally starting to see the end of this circle I have made.  I feel blessed in a way that this all happened.  I know it sounds crazy but this has taught me how to be me.  I lost my way and I am gaining the joy in re-finding it.  How many people can say the same?  Yeah they didn’t ask to gain over a hundred pounds.  Yeah they didn’t ask for all the struggles that came with that gain.  Yeah they didn’t.  And neither did I.  However I am starting to look at things differently.  I got to see what I took advantage of.  I got to see what mistakes I made and how to remedy them.  Along with the struggle is a lot of joy.

Part of that joy was being so fashion forward today that everyone complimented me on my outfit.  I have not heard that in forever.  It was a wonderful thing for me today.  I am still walking my path but that’s not to say I still don’t have more to learn.  After all blessings come in all disguises….including fat suits.