Letting Go

When the going gets tough we hold on tight to what we know.  Food, cigarettes or a loved one.  I’m struggling right now on letting go.  I need to let go of one of the things I hold most dear to me in my life.  The only thing that would hurt more for me to lose would be my husband.  But I think I will be losing my sweet Roscoe soon.  He is an amazing source of comfort and unconditional love.  I have watched him blossom in front of me.  He went from angry at the world for the abuses he has been thru, to become the the apple of our eyes. 

This morning we discovered him stargazing and he started to foam at the mouth.  This is a sure sign that things are progressively going downhill and fast.  Our vet has maxed him out on meds and now nothing seems to be working anymore.  I am heart broken and know deep down that he will hold on as long as possible but mommy needs to help him go soon.  This is going to be hard not only for us but for our other four legged babies.  He is the Alpha of the group and it will leave a distinct and painful mark on our lives.

I am holding on for the next few days to see how he is.  But I am positive that sooner rather than later I will be saying good bye.  I knew coming into this that I would be heartbroken in a few years of getting each of my babies.  But it has been worth it in the end to see them thrive and happy with life.  I hope they don’t remember the bad things that had happened to them.  I hope they only remember the good that we gave them each and every day they were with us.  He will be joining my babies Susie and Simon across the rainbow bridge.  I know they will show him around and take care of him.  My heart will be a little less full and a little less joyful.  But I know letting him go is the best thing and the hardest thing a mom can do.  I may not be a mom in the truest sense of the word but I am a mommy to them.   And a piece of me will go with each of them when they leave me.